Illinois Domestic Violence Act

The Illinois Domestic Violence Act is an important part of family law. The Act is designed to provide abused family members and their children with an expedited and safe means to obtain necessary legal protection from continued abuse or harassment.

My first work in the law was as a domestic violence prosecutor, and I appreciated how the law strove to provide protection for abused parents and their children, and criminal sanctions for the abusers.

In divorce and custody practice in Illinois, however, I have all too often seen the IDVA misused as a "sword" to undercut another parent in a custody case, rather than as a proper "shield" against abuse. In the space of one week , I helped a deserving parent obtain emergency relief and a change of custody, and thereby protect young children from a chaotic, abusive environment, and then, within about a day's time, on behalf of my client I successfully blocked an opposing party from litigating an EOP based on false, fabricated claims. Two IDVA cases, with two very different applications.

An article from 2008's Illinois Bar Journal discusses this phenomenon of improper use of the Illinois Domestic Violence Act in high conflict divorce and custody cases. The article presumes that the wronged party is a husband, and many times this is true, but I can say from my experience that false allegations of abuse in high conflict custody cases know no gender:

Orders of Protection, available at any courthouse, are easy to file, and rarely require any fees. The DVA permits non-attorney domestic-abuse advocates to sit at counsel table and give confidential and privileged advice to the petitioner.

It's also much easier to get an OP, and once granted along with exclusive possession of the home, the law clearly favors the wife maintaining child custody and the home unless the husband is able to present a preponderance of evidence that the custody arrangement is a hardship to HIM. The divorce act gives no such preferential presumption.

Accusations of abuse and demands for an OP are extremely useful in denying child custody to the respondent. The DVA includes "a rebuttable presumption that awarding physical care to respondent would NOT be in the minor child's best interest."

The DVA requires that a petition for an OP be expedited, and judges typically allot only 15 or 20 minutes to each case, which is not enough time to hear all the relevant evidence. Resolving a custody decision in a divorce proceeding usually requires many months.

The Illinois Bar article concludes: "If a parent is willing to abuse the system, it is unlikely the trial court could discover (her) improper motives in an Order of Protection hearing."

The Domestic Violence Act is an excellent and proper vehicle to provide safety and security for victims of abuse. When the Act is used as a sword against a fit and good parent in a custody case, no court sanction against the maker of the false allegations is strong enough.

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Illinois Divorce, Custody, and the Narcissist Spouse

Much of my work focus around complex and sometimes high conflict custody cases involving Borderline personalities, and other psychological disorders. With BPD custody cases, and many other cases, there are elements of the narcissistic personality. What characteristics define a narcisisist? A recent article, "Beware the Narcissist; Know the Signs," by Heidi Stevens (McClatchy) offers a solid description:

``Narcissism is an epidemic in our society,'' argues LIsa Scott, author of It's All About Him: How to Identify and Avoid the Narcissist Male Before You Get Hurt (CFI, 2009). ``Our culture breeds it.''

While it's one thing to watch reality show contestants bask in their own glory for the sake of finding love, it's another to find yourself dating such a character -- man or woman.

So, how do you avoid such a fate? We turned to the experts for tips on sniffing out the self-obsessed.

THE SIGNS

The American Psychological Association identifies nine traits of narcissists, five of which need to be present for a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) diagnosis:

? Feels grandiose and self-important for reasons not supported by reality.

? Obsesses with fantasies about unlimited success, fame, power or omnipotence.

? Believes he/she is unique and special and can be understood by and associate with only other unique or high-status people.

? Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation.

? Feels a sense of entitlement.

? Exploits others without guilt or remorse.

? Is devoid of empathy.

? Tends to be envious of others or believes others are envious of him/her.

? Displays arrogant and haughty behavior.

The biggest red flag, Scott says, is lack of empathy.

``They're unable to see that other people have feelings,'' she says. ``Narcissists only enter into a relationship to stroke their ego. They disconnected from themselves a long time ago in order to avoid feeling, so they need the outside world to validate their image.''

So, the whole relationship revolves around meeting the narcissist's needs and wants, while yours go unnoticed. The trick to spotting lack of empathy, or any of these traits, for that matter, is penetrating a narcissist's ego-shield -- also known as charm.

``Narcissists are gifted manipulators who can sweep anyone off their feet,'' Scott writes in her book.

That's why it's not enough to focus on someone's early behavior. Focus on how you're being treated throughout the relationship. Scott maintains that after the chase has ended, a narcissist's true colors will show.

``He becomes demanding and angry, unaware that the other has needs or a separate self at all,'' Scott writes. ``He is not consciously mean. He simply finds it impossible to see others as independent entities.''

Individuals with BPD and NPD present with these traits, and these traits, when severe, make healthy parenting problematic. Children are independent entities that need care, nurturing and validation; parents with pathology have difficulty offering this kind of support to children. The needs of the parent trump those of the children,and when the children's normal developmental needs frustrate the NPD/BPD, raging, criticism and other forms of abusive parental acting out can occur.

If you have concerns about BPD or NPD in your family or in your divorce case, visit my friend Randi Kreger's site, www.BPDCentral.com, and contact my office for an initial consultation if a divorce or other intervention is needed to protect the developmental health of your children.

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